Dental services
I wonder if higher authorities at the Health Department are aware that dental services at a particular town in the West only serves 20 patients per day, 10 before lunch break and 10 after lunch. What’s more interesting is that there are three dentists based full time at this particular hospital and charge around $5 for tooth extraction and roughly generate around $100 revenue per day. The security further informs that sometimes in the morning, around 10 ticket patients are attended to before 10am and doctors go out and come back after lunch break. Sometimes patients start queuing before 6am to get hold of tickets.
In contrast, a private dentist on busy days can attend to more than 30 patients thus the reason for the rise in private dentist clinics.
Being a taxpayer, my humble request is if the government dentists can be remunerated on the number of patients attended to and immediately based on the current scenario their pay should be less than $40 per day and immediate audit on the current dentist operations in the public sector.
Rajnesh Kumar Nadi
Teachers with no pay
It is extremely appalling and frankly disgraceful to learn that some teachers, particularly those posted to remote maritime schools, have reportedly gone for months without receiving their salaries (fijivillage.com).
With no money coming in, these teachers are now being compelled to purchase food and other basic necessities on “dinau”, with some reportedly accumulating shop credit of up to $1000. This is not merely inconvenient, it is completely unacceptable, embarrassing and deeply disturbing.
According to the Ministry of Education, efforts have been underway for months to rectify the so-called “pay system” glitches. Yet despite these assurances, many teachers are still waiting to be paid. How long are hardworking educators expected to survive without the salaries they have rightfully earned?
One cannot help but wonder whether the response would have been quite so lethargic if government ministers themselves had been affected by a payroll glitch. Would they patiently wait for months, accumulating debts at their local shops and wondering how they were going to feed their families?
I believe most of them would have cried and demanded a swift resolution.
Teachers should not have to beg, borrow or live on credit because of an administrative failure within government. They perform an essential public service, often under extremely challenging conditions, particularly those stationed in remote maritime communities. They are legally entitled to being compensated in a timely manner.
And what exactly is happening to Fiji’s education system? I firmly believe Fiji’s education structure has been deteriorating badly and rapidly over the past four years and is now in desperate need of a comprehensive overhaul.
Let’s start from the top, shall we?
Nishant Singh Lautoka
$8 minimum hourly wage
If the FTUC national secretary has his way there will be two minimum wage rates in Fiji. One for the workers of large companies. And another rate for employees of small and medium-size businesses. Wouldn’t this be tantamount to discrimination? Is it fair for the workers to be paid two different wage rates for performing the same work? I wonder whether such practice will conform with the international labour conventions.
The other issue is if the minimum wage rate is increased from $5 to $8 then what will happen to the workers who are already being paid $8 per hour? Wouldn’t they also ask for a pay rise? So where will they all lead to then?
Let’s be realistic and carefully consider all the ramifications before coming up with such ill-conceived proposals.
Selwa Nadan, Lautoka
Sports council
Should review your carpark entry and exit provisions after a drop-off or pick-up. Vehicles turning right or left from the carpark while exiting create a bottleneck.
Of course, during an event. In addition, a safe crossing for pedestrians is required too especially at the carpark entrance area.
Asish Vinay Prasad Park Rd, Raiwasa, Suva
Bula Festival
I would say this year’s Bula Festival was one of the best indeed. New sponsors took Nadi into a new era.
Yes, it was time for a change. I must say Bula is the mother of all festivals.
Jaheed Buksh Korolevu
Taveuni flights
I hope Fiji Airways re-introduces the Savusavu/Taveuni/ Savusavu flights.
And one from Labasa too. Minimum of 300 people travel this route daily.
Taveuni is not what it was some 15 years ago. It’s a hub now!
Back then there were flights to and from the above destinations.
No longer now. I wonder why.
- Shariff Shah Savusavu
Drinking laws
Drinking laws if not strictly enforced as commented by
Nishant Singh (FT5/8) is a risk for safety, crime and poverty. Strict rules and regulations will be also a way to promote Fiji tourism.
Fijians are well recognised for kindness and our ever-friendly bula smiles.
Safety for visitors and strangers are always assured.
Tahir Ali Hamilton, New Zealand
Glorious promises
Won’t be long when the political parties start coming out with their manifesto containing glorious promises.
I wonder whether the average voter even knows about the existence of such texts or understands their implications.
In a party’s anxiety to win, they might just promise us tiled roads. Sobo!
Wise Muavono Balawa, Lautoka
COI report
So, the COI report is unlawful and null and void.
Would that mean the big dollars will be refunded?
Mohammed Imraz Janif Natabua, Lautoka
That Moment of Madness
TEN years ago on August 12, 2016, a moment of madness circled our nation as the flamboyant Fijians delivered an emphatic, bruising thrashing of Team Great Britain 43-7 to win our first Olympic Games gold medal.
As the final whistle sounded courageous captain Osea Kolinisau, who became an integral part of Ben Ryan’s organisation, sank to his knees as he tried to come to terms with what our national 7s team had achieved.
The world tried to embrace the shocker as a tiny Pacific island nation’s long wait for an Olympic medal was over. The fervor amongst people was hard to describe.
This is what Kolinisau shared in his interview with CNN, “I never dreamed of being an Olympian, let alone being a medalist, let alone being a gold medalist, so I was just thankful for the journey God has brought me on.”
Ardent Fiji fan, 48-year-old Etu Baravilala, stole the show as he stood on the front row, beating his bare chest and screaming at the top of his lungs. Baravilala was dressed in traditional warrior dress.
Winning coach Ben Ryan shared this with the CNN sports reporter, “I feel very lucky that I’m in charge of such an unbelievable group of athletes with a country behind us that is so passionate about rugby 7s. The boys are front page and back of newspapers, six o’clock news. You come out of the airport and there’s a 20-foot billboard of them. They’re superstars in Fiji.”
Ben Ryan and that 2016 team- full of talent and flair!
Rajnesh Ishwar Lingam Nadawa, Nasinu
Littering fine
Let’s hope the litter fines of $40 to $200 will discipline the people caught littering as per The Fiji Times news with picture (14/8). How to catch the offenders will be yet another issue.
Tahir Ali Hamilton, New Zealand
Nadi riverbank rubbish
With utmost respect, out of sheer concern for river bank pollution, I raise this matter, with a truly troubled heart.
All travellers when leaving Nadi and heading towards Nadi Airport, upon crossing Nadi Bridge, will inevitably see with their naked eyes, steady piling of rubbish and the many pig pens – on their left side. This does not help in keeping Nadi clean.
With every tact, care, concern and diplomacy, this eye-sore and environmental desecration needs to be addressed. All civic authorities concerned must have the strength and ability needed to address this problem. Please do not look the other way. The problem will get progressively worse if left totally unchecked.
I make a special appeal to the special administrator to address such illegal dumping of rubbish and the breeding of pigs along the Nadi River bank.
Nadi deserves far better.
Ronnie Chang Martintar, Nadi
Football dreams!
The pool draws for this year’s Extra Supermarket Battle of the Giants tournament was held yesterday. Both pools are exciting. In Group A, defending champions Labasa faces Nasinu, Suva and Navua, while hosts Ba will battle Rewa, Lautoka and Nadi in Group B.
After winning the BiC Fiji FACT at Subrail Park and then the premier league, Ba has set their sights on winning the BOG tournament on home soil.
The Men in Black last won the BOG on Western soil at Churchill Park after defeating Suva 2-0. The Roneel Kumar-coached side won their 17th BOG crown, breaking a five-year-old drought. Abbu Zahid and Samuela Nabenia scored the goals. Abbu Zahid walked away with the Player of the Tournament and Golden Boot awards.
It’s been eight long years, and I’m sure Ba Football president Praneel Dayal has set his sights on breaking another drought as Ba broke a 10-year-old Fiji Fact drought and a seven-year-old national league drought.
Labasa, Rewa and Lautoka are other teams vying for the title. Labasa came close to winning the BiC Fiji Fact and national league titles, so they’ll be hungry to get back to winning ways.
On the other hand, the football fraternity must join hands to support Rewa who goes face-to-face against Lae City Dwellers. In the O-League last year, Rewa lost to Tiga Sport 4-2 and AS Pirae 1-0 but held Auckland City to a 1-1 draw. Rewa lost to Vanuatu’s ABM Galaxy FC 4-1 but beat Cook Islands club Tupapa Maraerenga 4-2.
Rewa is in a must-win situation. The Tigers must defend well and make use of the goal scoring opportunities.
Rajnesh Ishwar Lingam Nadawa, Nasinu
Coming in from the cold!
My sister-in-law sent us a temperature chart showing how cold it’s becoming in Fiji.
I had to laugh.
Then I remembered that when you’re used to tropical weather, a Fijian “cold snap” feels like an Antarctic expedition. So I shouldn’t poke fun. Everything’s relative.
Here in Melbourne, however, we’ve taken cold to another level. We don’t need to buy ice. It comes free out of the tap! So you can imagine how much fun it is having a shower. Or not.
Showers are generally taken with hot water… although there are still those brave (or slightly eccentric) souls who proudly have cold showers in the middle of winter. I can only assume they’ve misplaced all feeling in their nerve endings. Or maybe they’re robots!
As for me, I don’t take chances.
Four layers of clothing? Absolutely. Long Johns, thermal underwear. The very same garments we used to see cowboys wearing in those old western movies. The only difference is they were battling blizzards on horseback. I’m battling the dash from the front door to the letter box or when I’m putting the bins out and it’s raining too, I usually wear an assortment of very heavy warm winter jackets.
The other night I even wore gloves to drive because the steering wheel felt like it had been stored in the freezer. And yes, I confess… I wear a beanie to bed and look like an Eskimo. When Melbourne really turns on the icy charm, I add a pair of socks as well. Fashion takes a back seat when survival is at stake.
Still, there’s one thing I love about a Melbourne winter.
When it’s cold, we can always put on another jumper, another jacket or another blanket. And no, we don’t use an electric blanket. We used to when we first moved here. But not anymore. It’s just far too risky for our liking.
But when it’s 42 degrees in summer… there’s only so much “dressing down” society will tolerate before the neighbours start calling the authorities, if you get my drift!
Winter wins. All the time.
At least we can negotiate winter on our own terms.
Colin Deoki Freezing Melbourne, Australia
The battle for top spot
Rugby is on the rise in the province of Ra.
Lately, the Sireli Bobo-coached Ra outfit beat Northland 17-10 to lift the Vodafone Vanua Championship title and get an opportunity to play in the top flight for the first time in history.
Last Saturday, Ra High School created history by qualifying for the Deans U1-8 semi-final for the first time after dethroning defending champions Ratu Kadavulevu School 12-10.
Luck was with the boys as they converted their winning try, while RKS scored both unconverted tries. In front of passionate Ra High fans, the boys played with a lot of pride and passion.
They were determined to oust RKS.
This afternoon at Churchill Park, Ra High faces Suva Grammar.
Ra’s belief, unity and positive attitude will be against the Lions who are feeling the pain of seeing their U15 and U19 teams booted out from the quarterfinals by Queen Victoria School 10-8 and Navatu Secondary 19-15. Suva Grammar is out to end a 25-year-old wait.
The Lions last won the Deans trophy (U19) in 2001 when they thumped RKS 34-10. Coached by the late Kuli Naucabalavu, Grammar claimed their first Deans title.
The Lions basked in glory as skipper Kini Saukuru led the celebration.
In their last appearance in the Deans final in 2022, Suva Grammar lost to Marist Brothers High School 9-8 at Churchill Park. Marist ended the 44-year-old drought.
After winning the Southern Zone defeating Nasinu Secondary School 29-22, the Lions beat Ba Provincial Freebird Institute 23-7 in the quarter-final.
In the other semi-final, Nasinu faces Eastern Zone champion Lelean Memorial who last won the Deans title in 2014 when they beat RKS 13-8. Nasinu lost last year’s final to RKS 15-53 and will aim for a shot at the coveted silverware.
Nacanieli Saumi is set to weave his magic against his counterpart Meli Serukalou.
We have two mouthwatering semi-finals. Phew, what a Saturday!
Rajnesh Ishwar Lingam Nadawa, Nasinu
Rugby glory and eliminations
THE Deans competition enters another pulsating and bone crunching weekend of rugby.
Schools competing in the semifinal matches are step closer to glory and the reality of being eliminated is now greater than ever.
Now that the famous RKS under 18 rugby side had fallen in Garvey Park last Saturday, which two sides are likely to follow a similar path?
A mighty clash is expected between Nasinu Secondary School and Lelean Memorial School.
Is 2026 a year of redemption for Nasinu given their defeat to RKS last year or does Lelean Memorial have more tricks up their sleeves?
In the under-17 category, the Lions from Nasese are going in with confidence against a Queen Victoria School which is itching only for victory and nothing else.
All in all, once the dust settles only two sides will progress to the grand finals and history will identity two more sides which have fallen.
I am tipping the Lions from Nasese and Lelean Memorial to stand tall once the referee signals the end of the matches.
Floyd Robinson Micronesia
Home economics for girls, eating for boys?
I recently came across a social media post from a prominent secondary school celebrating its TVET Department’s Home Economics Week. The event appeared vibrant, successful, and well supported. The students’ enthusiasm was evident, and the photographs showcased what was clearly a great deal of hard work and creativity.
However, while admiring the colourful displays and activities, I could not help but notice something rather disappointing. In an era where schools, governments, and organisations continuously advocate for equality and the breaking of gender stereotypes, the images seemed to tell a very different story.
The overwhelming majority of students actively participating in the Home Economics activities were girls. The boys, on the other hand, appeared mostly as consumers of the finished product, eating and enjoying what had been prepared. The girls were cooking, serving, displaying, and presenting. The boys were receiving.
It was almost as though time had kindly transported us back several decades.
For all the speeches about gender equality and empowering young people to pursue any field they choose, are we still subtly teaching our children that the kitchen belongs to girls while boys simply wait for lunch?
If so, perhaps our understanding of equality needs a refresh.
The irony is that Home Economics is arguably one of the most important life skills subjects available in schools. Cooking, nutrition, budgeting, household management, childcare, sewing, and personal wellbeing are not “female skills.” They are human skills. Every adult, regardless of gender, benefits from knowing how to prepare a meal, manage a household budget, care for themselves, and live independently.
In fact, one could argue that many girls already receive some exposure to these skills at home through cultural and family expectations. Boys, meanwhile, may not have the same opportunities. Therefore, if there is any group that could particularly benefit from structured Home Economics education, it may well be the boys.
Yet many schools continue to present Home Economics as though it carries an invisible sign saying, “Girls Welcome”.
We regularly encourage girls to enter engineering, science, technology, and trades. Rightly so. We celebrate when barriers are broken. But equality should not operate in only one direction. Boys should be equally encouraged to participate in subjects traditionally seen as feminine.
A young man who can cook healthy meals, manage a household, understand nutrition, and care for his family is not less masculine. He is simply better prepared for life.
The truth is that adulthood does not issue exemptions based on gender. Hunger does not discriminate. Laundry does not sort itself according to chromosomes. Children do not arrive with instructions stating that only mothers should know how to care for them. Life requires practical skills from everyone.
Perhaps the next Home Economics Week could send a stronger message.
Instead of showcasing girls serving while boys eat, imagine seeing boys and girls cooking together, learning together, serving together, and sharing responsibility together. That would truly reflect the values of equality that our education system claims to promote.
Until then, we risk sending a mixed message to our students: equality in theory, tradition in practice.
And that, unfortunately, is a recipe that belongs in the past.
Ashwini Basant Nausori
Elephant in the room
I believe the latest revelations from the Construction, Energy and Timber Workers Union of Fiji should alarm every Fijian who pays an electricity bill. Workers at Energy Fiji Ltd have gone three years without a wage increase, yet senior executives have enjoyed substantial remuneration growth — rising from $3.309 million in 2024 to $3.756 million in 2025. This is not merely a pay gap; I believe it is a governance failure.
EFL’s leadership has repeatedly argued that financial pressures justify tariff increases and restructuring. Yet despite hedging arrangements that were supposed to protect the company, EFL still arrived at the Fiji Competition and Consumer Commission with what can only be described as a begging bowl, seeking tariff hikes that burden ordinary households and businesses. Now we hear the company may require another $500 million, raising serious questions about financial management and risk oversight.
The elephant in the room is this: since 44 per cent of EFL was sold to a foreign Japanese company, the organisation has increasingly behaved like a private profit–maximising enterprise rather than a national utility.
The public was told that partial privatisation would bring efficiency, stability and investment. Instead, workers have been left behind, consumers face rising costs, and executives appear insulated from the realities facing ordinary Fijians.
The recent joint venture with the Fiji National Provident Fund adds another layer of concern. FNPF members were not consulted, yet their retirement savings are now intertwined with EFL’s financial risks. When a utility that is already struggling with hedging losses and tariff pressures enters into major investment partnerships without transparent member approval, it raises legitimate questions about accountability.
The union is right to highlight the morale crisis among workers. Rewarding senior management while delaying wage settlements for frontline staff undermines trust and contradicts the principles of equitable industrial relations.
EFL’s workers are the backbone of the company — maintaining infrastructure, responding to outages, and ensuring national energy security. They deserve fair treatment, not prolonged delays and excuses.
This situation is not new. For years, concerns have been raised about executive pay, opaque financial decisions, and the widening gap between EFL’s public obligations and its corporate behaviour.
The public deserves clarity on how executive remuneration is determined, how hedging losses occurred, and why workers’ claims remain unresolved while management packages grow.
EFL’s Board must act immediately. Genuine, good–faith negotiations with the union are essential. Wage increases for 2024, 2025 and 2026 must be settled without further delay. And the Government must recognise that partial privatisation has created structural tensions that cannot be ignored. Fiji needs to amend the legislation to ensure that the Auditor-General has access to the company as Fijians own the majority shares in the company and it belongs to the taxpayer.
Electricity is not a luxury. It is a national necessity. Fiji needs an energy utility that prioritises workers, consumers and national interest — not one where executives thrive while everyone else pays the price.
Dr Sushil K Sharma Lautoka
Halle Berry’s Fiji visit
Recently, Hollywood icon Halle Berry visited Fiji and described its people as some of the “happiest” on Earth.
It is certainly a wonderful compliment, and there is no doubt that Fijians are renowned for their “Bula” smiles (which I believe are fake at times) and hospitality. But I couldn’t help wondering, which Fiji did Halle Berry actually see?
She stayed at an exclusive five-star resort, where she was undoubtedly treated like royalty, as any cash-rich celebrity would be. She experienced pristine beaches, impeccable service and the carefully curated version of Fiji that the tourism industry proudly presents to the world. I just wished she had stayed a little longer.
If only she had ventured beyond the luxury resort gates and spent time in the communities where ordinary Fijians live in common areas. I wish she had walked through some of our towns, spoken to struggling families, visited squatter settlements and experienced everyday life away from the manicured gardens and infinity pools of five-star properties.
I bet she would have had a totally different perception of Fiji, something that the country’s tourism head honchos do not portray in its colour brochures. Because behind the tourism brochures and smiling welcomes is another side of Fiji, one grappling with violent crime, poverty, an increasingly high cost of living, rising drug problems, the HIV pandemic, animal cruelty, high unemployment rates, racial inequality and political uncertainty. We have serious social problems that cannot simply be hidden behind our reputation for friendliness and hospitality.
The recent brutal and senseless death of a young man in Kulukulu, Sigatoka, is another painful reminder that the Fiji experienced by tourists and celebrities can be vastly different from the Fiji experienced by ordinary citizens.
If Ms Berry had spent a few more days travelling through Fiji, not from one exclusive resort to another, but through our towns, villages and communities, perhaps her assessment of our nation would have been a whole lot different. She probably would have caught the next available flight and bounced!
That is the reality of Fiji.
Nishant Singh Lautoka
Rabuka on public service
When I read “civil servants nationwide gathered at the Centenary Church in Suva for a special church service led by Prime Minister and Minister for the Civil Service Sitiveni Rabuka” to remind them that their work was “God’s calling to you” (FS 13/8/26), I thought how ironical is that?
This is the same Rabuka who after his 1987 military coup blatantly politicised the civil service and set in trend the rot that came to characterise the Fiji public service.
I know because I was there and witnessed first hand the ethnonationalist agenda pushed by Mr Rabuka and his fellow travellers.
Lest we forget.
Rajend Naidu Sydney, Australia
Commitment on climate change
It is good to know ‘Aust invests $31.2m to Host Nadi Summit’ (FS 14/8/26). PM Sitiveni Rabuka informs us the Australian in-put on the Pre-COP summit is “a worthwhile investment for Fiji and the Pacific” and this is “despite criticism from Australian taxpayers”.
To understand the nature of that criticism one should read the book Body Count: how climate change is killing us by acclaimed journalist Paddy Manning. He writes: “Successive Australian governments have proved themselves incapable of responding effectively to climate change – we have watched prime ministers from both sides topple over the issue, one after another. While the political class is consumed by scorched-earth climate wars, ordinary Australians have suffered the consequences of inaction. In the worst cases – often unrecognised – those Australians have died and continue to die”.
It’s a telling indictment of the Australian States commitment to climate change.
Rajend Naidu Sydney, Australia
Tragic death
Some two weeks, social media and the mainstream media extensively covered the news of the six missing health workers being rescued at sea in the Lau waters. The whole nation rejoiced and indeed it was a very relieving and welcoming news. Even our Prime Minister made the effort to meet with the team and posed for a photo with the rescued team. Last week the whole nation learned of the unfortunate tragic news of the father who was beaten to death in front of his young sons at Kulukulu Sigatoka. May his soul rest in peace. What appals me is the lack of condemnation and sympathy from our national leaders and the police commissioner regarding the event. Why is such a disparity been shown by our leaders when it comes to a minority being involved?
Jaheed Buksh Korolevu
The issue of marriage
Marriage was never meant to be a funeral.
Yet sadly, for some couples, that’s exactly what it’s become.
Not all at once of course. Rarely does someone walk into a marriage and consciously decide to lose themselves. It happens quietly. Gradually. Piece by piece. Like slow erosion on a coastline once filled with panoramic attractions of excitement, of love, laughter and life.
At first it may look noble, admirable even.
One partner gives up a dream career to give their better half a chance at chasing theirs.
Another slowly abandons friendships because their spouse feels insecure.
Someone stops pursuing hobbies they once loved because family obligations consume their every waking hour.
Another buries their opinions just to avoid confrontation and conflict.
Compromise is essential in a marriage. Sacrifice too. Love often requires both.
But there’s a dangerous difference between sacrificing for a marriage and sacrificing yourself to it.
One strengthens a relationship.
The other slowly destroys the soul and steals your joy.
Over time, some couples become little more than emotional caretakers performing roles rather than living authentic lives. They become experts at duty while hiding their resentment, anger and frustration and then become strangers to joy and to each other. Conversations revolve around bills, routines, appointments, children, obligations and survival. Laughter quietly exits through the back door unnoticed, replaced by obligatory matrimonial responsibilities. The love and excitement of youthful exuberance fades into a distant memory. And sometimes, a disconnect happens.
The tragedy isn’t always explosive. Sometimes it’s painfully silent, deliberate and deadly.
Two people can live under the same roof for decades while emotionally drifting apart into separate worlds. They become efficient business partners running a household rather than companions sharing a life. Intimacy becomes almost extinct.
And often the world applauds them.
“They’ve stayed together for 40 years,” people say admiringly.
But longevity alone is not proof of relational health and happiness.
Some marriages endure through genuine love, deep friendship and mutual respect. Others survive through fear, dependency, guilt, routine, religion, financial entrapment or sheer exhaustion.
A marriage certificate can keep two people legally connected while emotionally and physically disconnected for years.
What makes this even more heartbreaking is that many people no longer remember who they once were before they disappeared into their own world of survival and obligatory family duties.
The adventurous young woman who loved painting now barely picks up a brush.
The passionate young man who once laughed freely now carries stress like a permanent shadow.
The dreamers become survivors.
The lovers become strangers and managers.
And somewhere along the way, both silently grieve losses they cannot fully explain or even understand.
Healthy marriages aren’t built on emotional extinction like silent ships passing quietly in the mist of the night.
The strongest relationships are often those where both people continue growing individually while growing together. They cheer each other on rather than quietly clipping each other’s wings. They create space for individuality instead of demanding emotional surrender and suppressing each other’s feelings and desires.
Love should never require the burial of identity.
Real love says:
“Become more of who you were created to be and let me walk beside you while you do.”
There’s also another uncomfortable truth we rarely discuss.
Sometimes people hide inside a marriage. Weird right. But it happens.
A relationship can become a convenient refuge from confronting personal fears, insecurities, failures or unmet potential. Instead of growing emotionally, spiritually or intellectually, some lose themselves in routine because routine feels safer than transformation.
It’s easier to play roles than to ask hard questions like:
“Who am I now?”
“What happened to my passions?”
“When did I stop feeling alive?”
“What am I afraid of?”
These questions can unsettle even long enduring marriages because if we’re honest, most times these are the kinds of questions that remain unanswered for fear of rocking the boat.
But perhaps, as uncomfortable and awkward as they are, rocking the boat is often necessary by asking the hard questions.
Because a healthy marriage shouldn’t feel like slow suffocation. It should feel like oxygen that lifts you and invigorates you. A healthy marriage is like shelter during storms. Like a place where two imperfect people help each other carry life’s burdens without erasing each other’s identity and creativity in the process of remaining together.
The irony is this:
The more secure people become within themselves, the healthier their marriage often becomes. Why? Because love thrives when two whole people choose each other freely, not when two emotionally depleted people cling to each other out of fear or obligation.
No marriage is perfect. Every relationship demands sacrifice, even compromise at times.
But if the cost of staying married is the complete disappearance of who you are, then something precious has been laid upon the altar that was never meant to die.
Marriage should refine us not erase us. It should invigorate us not suppress and depress us. It should fill our hearts and lives with excitement, joy and happiness and not worry, fear, sadness, regret, loathing and stress.
Sometimes it’s good to revisit the altar of our marriage to remind us why we were attracted to each other in the first place. What was it that excited you about each other? What’s changed? Why? Explore. Rediscover your passion for life and for each other. Remove the roadblocks that keep you from reaching the full potential of your unique union.
Go on, make it the most important thing you’ll do this year. And watch how it will not only change your relationship but see how it will impact your family. Children see a lot of things. But out of respect, or sometimes even fear, they say nothing. But they know when there’s been a shift in Mum and Dad’s relationship. It’s plain as day. So, stop fooling yourself thinking they don’t know or can’t see what’s happening. They do. But out of love and respect they’re keeping quiet. Yes, it’s worrying for them too. But they’re trying not to show it.
How do I know? Because we have a close enough relationship with our children for them to know, understand and to share how they’re feeling about us. That kind of accountability is rare I know. But it’s the kind of accountability that keeps a marriage alive and well. It’s honesty and accountability at its best.
Because we matter to them and they matter to us. Family is about us – everyone. It’s we, not just me!
Colin Deoki Australia
