I’ve only just returned to Melbourne and still very homesick after a hectic hometown holiday to my beloved Fiji. And sorry if I didn’t get to see and meet everyone I was supposed to as there were many personal issues needing attention.
I have never seen so much rain in Suva during Christmas and couldn’t help wondering if all that wasted water could be re-directed to the parched western and northern parts of Fiji.
There’s got to be a way to beat the drought by building a string of small catchment areas in the high rainfall areas of Fiji with “feeder” pipelines to the West and North.
Now that Fiji has a democratically elected Parliament, I’m sure there’s got to be aid money somewhere in the world for this to become a reality.
These catchment areas could also become a source for irrigating farm lands of every description all along the pipeline route, opening up areas for a diverse range of farming opportunities and power generating plants supporting small satellite towns.
As I flew in the new Fiji Airways Link over some of the most beautiful sights (and may I say that the Fiji Airways staff and flight crew are the best in the world, it is, however, a pity that the food quality in their international flights didn’t match their warm hospitality), I couldn’t help think that there’s so much land in Fiji just sitting idle.
Developing land for agricultural purposes can become the lifeblood of a nation. It can provide much needed revenue, employment opportunities and countless other revenue streams for so many people, including helping the mataqali who own the land. It would lift many people out of poverty alleviating the strain on the nation’s finances and resources not to mention stemming urban drift.
The world needs food and water and Fiji is sitting on a goldmine with the opportunity to become a significant supplier to both local and overseas markets.
More co-operative partnership ventures need to be explored and experimented to see what works best.
Yes, some will fail but failure is not final. It’s a stepping stone to explore what can work. And instead of political foes taking a pot-shot at each other because something hasn’t quite worked out, it’s about time some of them matured in their approach to seeking how they can contribute to helping grow the country and grow the economy for the benefit of everyone.
Parliamentarians, I’m given to understand, earn more than 90 per cent of what workers in the country earn. So it would be prudent to start earning their keep instead of forever trashing each other’s ideas just because it’s the thing to do.
If the Opposition comes up with a great idea, give them credit for it, explore the concept and find ways to make the idea work. A train needs two sides of the track allowing it to move forward smoothly and swiftly.
If you serve the people of Fiji honestly and faithfully they will elect you back because you made a difference and you delivered on your promise. And if you promised something and it didn’t quite work out the way you wanted it to, have the courage to say you stuffed up and make good the next time.
People are more forgiving when politicians have the courage to say sorry, I stuffed up rather then hiding behind a string of lies and deception.
Too many parliamentarians become brash and talk trash instead of focusing on real issues affecting the nation.
People in Fiji have matured and grown enormously and want positive change because they’re sick and tired of the “all talk no action autocrats of old”, hell-bent on diversionary politics. And some of those politicians got a reality check at the polls in last year’s elections.
On a more positive note, two of the best programs we watched while in Fiji was about domestic violence and sexual molestation on FBC TV. Both programs tackled highly volatile and extremely sensitive issues. Both FBC presenters were excellent in their approach including the guests they had on the program. The transparency and courage of some of the people on the program was quite moving. I admire their courage for speaking so openly about traumatic issues affecting them personally. Even the sub-titles didn’t detract from getting the message across about these highly disturbing issues.
I noticed on the iTaukei program about domestic violence that most of the respondents were men. What saddened both my wife and I was the lack of men accepting responsibility for being the perpetrator. They were quick to finger the blame at women citing that it was the women who needed counselling and guidance about their less than gracious attitude towards men.
Yes, I know that some women have a “mouth” on them like a scorpion sting. I wonder sometimes whether it’s because of years of emotional, psychological and physical abuse that has made them this way so they continually lash out because of how badly they’ve been treated. It’s a sad state of affairs when relationships become so unbearable that couples spit venom at each other because they’ve lost the ability to discuss why they’re feeling the way they do.
When hormonal changes take place during the monthly menstrual cycle some women can become highly sensitive and even volatile. The chemical or hormonal imbalances affecting them can sometimes cause serious mood swings with the atmosphere around the home becoming unbearable.
Most of us men haven’t the faintest clue what women go through at this time except when we’re on the receiving end.
And because we don’t understand what they’re going through and the women can’t seem to communicate how they’re feeling, it’s in this “space” where all hell breaks loose.
Sometimes, without the woman realising it, the man can become an emotional “punching bag” causing even more angst in the relationship. Having said this I know I’m leaving myself wide open to ridicule and hearsay. However, we need to have an open mind about seeking solutions to the widening domestic violence and sexual molestation issues.
I’m no expert in this area but I’ve found that things like natural Evening Primrose Oil capsules can have a calming effect on a woman helping to smooth out the rough edges of the emotional powder keg waiting to erupt during the monthly cycle.
The other thing that stood out for me is that many men are confused about their role as a husband and provider. This may be partly because of the women’s lib movement. Christian men especially are in a quandary about their role as being head of the family from a Biblical perspective.
The area of equal partnership being espoused has been a bone of contention and conflict mainly because of confusion about what the Bible actually says.
Just because the Bible says that the man is the head of the family doesn’t mean that we lord it over our partner with a heavy-handed “I’m the boss” approach. If this was the case then the Proverbs 31 woman in the Bible wouldn’t exist. The Bible is not contradictory. We are.
The head of the family is supposed to be compassionate, caring, kind and loving towards his partner serving her as Christ has served us — sacrificially. The woman in the same way is supposed to do the same — submissive but not subservient. The submissive/subservient part is where many Christian men falter and come unstuck, demanding their wife’s respect.
Respect is a two way street just like the train needing both sides of the track to move forward. Many marriages become derailed because of confusion about their roles. And this unfortunately came through loud and clear during the iTtaukei program on FBC TV.
Its extremely encouraging to see the wonderful work the Fiji Women’s Crisis Centre is doing under the leadership of Shamima Ali and her team of counsellors.
Domestic violence requires dialogue and discussion from all quarters for it to begin having a positive impact in diminishing violence in society. Education is a vital key but so is a mind-shift on the part of men and women about our roles.
We need both sides to engage honestly and openly for there to be a significant shift in attitudes.
I’m glad that churches are also starting to “open” their doors to the Fiji Women’s Crisis Centre’s education programs.
Perhaps someone might start a “Man to Man” program offering men and boys the opportunity to air their views and seek counsel about issues affecting their lives.
Domestic violence needs to be tackled at all levels in society including programs in schools.
Boys need to be taught how to treat girls and vice versa. Too much emphasis is placed on academic achievement without focusing on personal and relationship development, including education to better understand how to handle conflict.
We need to re-think our school curriculum and what we’re teaching our children. Relationship development and conflict resolution should become an integral part of the education system to help build strong relationships, families and communities.
There will be less violence when there is better understanding between people about how to address a myriad of issues affecting relationships. Many of us grow up watching and learning from our parents. If the role modelling borders on confusion and cattiness about handling prickly issues then the cycle of violence will continue.
The tragedy is that most of us go to school and learn to pursue a career without a clue about how to handle relationships and conflict.
What an absolute utter waste of time and energy when more than 90 per cent of what we learn in school is useless and of no consequence to our earthly existence. Which makes me wonder who on earth designed the school curriculum?
What’s the point of a successful career if we don’t know how to relate to our spouse, to our children and to our co-workers? We don’t have to look far to see so many relationships are breaking down, marriages ending up on the rocks and families shattered and broken because we aren’t taking the time to learn about what matters most — building successful relationships!
Treating the “symptoms” of the problem becomes just another band-aid solution and the cycle continues.
Getting to the heart of problematic issues requires a mind-shift on the part of educators and law makers. If you truly want to stem the tide of domestic violence and abuse, start teaching conflict resolution and relationship building skills in schools, churches and communities.
Thanks to modern communication devices we are becoming a socially inept society where we’re losing valuable interaction skills that have made communities connect with each other through shared stories, jokes and laughter. Connectedness is slowly dying a silent death.
I shudder to think what the world will be like 50 years from now if we don’t re-think our priorities and continue placing a quick fix on relationship fractures that are bleeding marriages and families to oblivion.
* Colin Deoki is a frequent writer to The Fiji Times. He is a Fijian living in Australia. The views are his and not of this newspaper.
