My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her — George Washington , first President of the United States.
Today we celebrate Mother’s Day, a day celebrating and honouring one’s own mother as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society.
It is a day where mothers take centre stage in appreciation for all they have done and continue to do in our lives.
My mother is 82 years of age and is a great woman of faith.
A strong, courageous and selfless teacher, leader and disciplinarian who lives her life for two main reasons; one — God, and two — her 6 children.
In an earlier article, I had shared a little about my childhood and mentioned that my father left the family home when I was 11-years-old. I was in Class 6 then.
When my father, a loving man, was still with us, he was in charge of the family — the disciplinarian, main breadwinner, the great encourager urging his children to do well in school and in life, a leader and teacher.
He was also a reader.
He had a library at home containing books on various subjects including bibliographies of great leaders like Winston Churchill, and was a scholar who studied at the University of Oxford in London and the London School of Economics. He later served in the Ratu Mara government.
My mother, as I remember, was more in the background taking care of each family member’s basic needs in addition to holding a regular job.
After my father left, though, everything changed.
The circumstances we found ourselves in forced my mother to the forefront and to be in-charge of the family, six children and all.
And in doing so, she changed the direction of the family.
She trained my siblings and I to become leaders. To be of service to others.
Something I believe has led me on to this fulfilling and purposeful path.
My mother sat us all down when the dynamics in the home suddenly jolted and explained the changes she was going to implement in the home.
My siblings and I were given a title each as a prefix to our names when we were born — ‘Adi’ for my sister and I, and ‘Ratu’ for my brothers — titles usually indicating someone of chiefly status.
My father came from a chiefly family and that is how he wanted his children to be named (he also had the prefix ‘Ratu’ in front of his name).
Here are two changes my mother implemented that impacted my life greatly;
1) She no longer was going to make reference to the prefix ‘Adi’ or ‘Ratu’ (or ‘Di’ or ‘Tu’ for short) when she called or used our names.
Her reasons?
She told us that titles, positions or status can block people from connecting with us. Because of the title we each had and having it in one’s name creates a gap between one group of people and another, ego can get in the way.
She didn’t want the titles to create a wall between us and others.
She always reminded us that we are here on this planet to be of service to others and added, “In God’s kingdom, everyone is equal”.
2) To address people, young and old alike and even ourselves when we are speaking to each other in the home using the word ‘kemuni’ which, in our culture, is used when speaking to older people or people of importance with titles or prominent positions and status instead of the more casual iko usually used for people at ‘grassroots level’.
Her reasons?
She wanted us to treat all people, regardless of their backgrounds, as important. To make everybody including ourselves feel appreciated.
Because each of us are created by God, equally, we are all important.
No one should feel less or worse of and a few words in our own vernacular has the likelihood to segregate people.
So at the early age of 11, these teachings which were odd to me at first because I didn’t know anyone else that practised them at the time, shaped my beliefs around who we are as people.
I am so grateful that I was introduced to a teaching different from the norm at an early age, a teaching that I have come to learn and understand is crucial for true success and our ability to connect with people.
And in saying that, I am also grateful for the wounded childhood I had (when my father decided to leave the family home) for which I have since healed and overcome. That critical event shaped my future.
I had shared that one of my mother’s most influential books is The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale.
In Chapter 15 titled How to Get People to Like You, Peale writes “The feeling of not being wanted or needed is one of the most devastating of all human reactions. To the degree to which you are sought after or needed by other people will you become a fully-released person” (page 255).
When I asked my mother two years ago why she bought the book, she replied “I wanted to be the best in everything I did”.
In Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People” there is a similar heading titled How to Make People Like You Instantly where he writes, “The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature”.
He adds that the psychologist William James said, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated” (page 104).
Little did I know my mother was teaching me these principles all along to make my transition on to this path flow with ease.
It is therefore a great joy to learn to ‘get ourselves out of the way’ when we want to connect with others, something that is of great value when we want to contribute something significant to the world, a basic human desire.
No doubt my mother has been a great influence in my life, like all mothers to their children.
Mothers have done more for us than anyone else in the world.
Here is wishing every mother a Happy Mother’s Day.
nKelera Kotobalavu is a peak performance coach in Australia. The views expressed are hers and not of this newspaper. She can be contacted on kotobalavuk@gmail.com.
