IN September 1964, 35-year-old Henry Peter (my father’s baptismal name) faced the end of his long battle with intestinal cancer.
It was a disease that ran in the family and had killed his brother and three sisters.
He lay motionless in bed, perhaps with a montage of excerpts from his life’s story flashing before his pair of pallid eyes. His loving wife and children stood by his side.
It was his dying wish to be buried back on Qamea Island, where he was brought up as a child and where his mother, Savai, had buried his umbilical cord under a coconut tree, with the hope that he would remain connected to the land.
Suva was not where he wanted to enjoy his eternal sleep. The city was only a place to work and search of better opportunities – not to die.
He wanted to rest by the beach, under swaying palm trees and near his favourite sibling, John.
A few days after Father’s Day, dad bid this earth goodbye. He was buried according to his final wishes and with dignity that he so rightfully deserved.
This week, on Wednesday 26, a little after noon, another close male relative of mine, bid this world goodbye.
Nobody possessed the stubborn strength and will to live that he had. He cheated death a few times and died a few times. He proved that only a special few had the miraculous ability to avoid the clutches of death.
He was brought back to life at least three times, and each time he survived a near-death experience he came back with a stronger resolve and purpose.
For about a year, momo (uncle) Joji was part of my family’s life. He was much loved because he was full laughter and positivity. He loved reading and had the best brains to pick but was never judgemental.
He could preach a perfect sermon but was realistic and very human. He had flaws but could aspire for greatness.
Ageing and dying can’t be reversed
Love it or not, ageing and death are sobering facts of life.
Each one of us is born into a family, where mum and dad will subtly age before our eyes as.
One day we ourselves will grow old, develop wisdom hair, lose a few teeth here and there, have wrinkles and walk with a wobbly frame.
No matter how well we’ve lived life or looked after our health, how much we’ve accumulated in the bank, or how many degrees we’ve attained, we will age and die one day.
And because we will (provided we don’t die prematurely) and would like to be treated with respect and dignity when we become vulnerable, it is imperative that we show the elderly and infirm the same degree of appreciation and decency we would like to enjoy.
It is common and easy nowadays to send parents to grow old with their peers in aged care facilities.
But even the best and most expensive “homes” for the elderly, with an unsurpassed history of dependable and professional care cannot replace the “tender love and affection” that structures the home into a place that is safe and secure.
In today’s fast-paced, individualistic and capitalistic world, the elderly can become bothersome and burdensome to their family. Do not make this a reality in your home. Take care of your sick and aged family members.
No place like home
There is no other way – the home is the best anchorage for the heart. It is a place where our family members must can find true safety and comfort in the final days of their lives. Experts believe the home is where the elderly can feel mentally and physically sound and free.
This is the reason – the environment in the home is not bound by rigid rules and restrictions of a retirement or old people’s home.
They are left to do what they love best and at their own pace and do not have to follow a daily programme of generic activities supervised by total strangers.
Specific needs can be overlooked in a large facility whereas in a home they can be given specific one-to-one attention.
When age catches with us, we will find some things are hard or uncomfortable to perform. That is why caring for parents in the home, not only gives them the assistance they require but also the independency they need.
In the “home” they have timetables to follow. This affects their feeling of being independent. However, at home they feel valued and worthy of care.
Knowing that you have a parent or both at home provides a peace of mind. Also, when parents know they are around family they will have a peace of mind too.
Having your parents stashed away in an old people’s home can bring a lot of stress because you don’t get to see and talk to them daily. Although they are out of sight, at the back of your mind you will always be worried about their welfare.
Home is where the heart is
Looking after our folks at home can be less costly too. Instead of paying for services at the “home”, in the family we depend on everyone’s ability to pitch in and play their part.
The grandchildren became great carers of their grandparents and they learn off each other.
That is cooperation in action and it enhances every family’s member’s collaborative capacity.
Wherever we come from and whatever beliefs we lean towards, we must remember that every member of the family, whether old or young, is a human being who needs to be treated with respect and understanding.
They should be treated like how we would like to be treated if we were in their shoes. They also have the same human rights that we have although we may be far apart by age. Like us, their health needs are important too.
They go through the same emotions we go through. They feel loneliness, pain, happiness and heartbreak just like the way we do.
Unlike many of us, our elderly are not self-centred and do not ask for much.
Most of them simply want to be heard, cherished and loved.
They never ever want to burden us but like to feel they are the human worth of being cuddled and kissed just in the same way they kissed and cuddled us in our younger days.
They want us – you and me to care for them in a way they truly deserve.
Moce momo Joji. The only true and greatest King George, I ever knew. Till that glorious morning, God be with you!!
Until we meet on this same page same time next week, stay blessed, stay healthy and stay safe.
