Let’s talk about the four letter word that controls and governs our world — Time.
For example, how much time should we hold on to a grudge — minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years?
Didn’t see that one coming did you? Neither did I. It caught me quite by surprise as I was writing this article.
Thinking about the topic of time had this question land in my lap so I thought it must be the right time to bring it to our collective consciousness since Christmas is just around the corner.
If we’re honest, some of us love holding onto grudges. It gives our human martyr syndrome some kind of obscene satisfaction to keep our hurts alive and kicking — just in case we forget what so and so did to us.
Strange how over time we have this morbid fascination of nursing a grudge, even sharing it around with those we feel might be sympathetic towards our cause.
And because we’re so generous with our grudge sharing, we keep doing this until someone has the intestinal fortitude to say enough is enough.
Isn’t it odd that when they do this, we get all hurt and bent out of shape, feeling like the victim all over again?
So, are you a grudge timekeeper?
I used to be one until I got sick and tired of the grudges stewing in my negative grudge pot. They began wearing me down to the point where I realised I was becoming bitter, twisted and resentful.
What I didn’t understand was that holding onto grudges kept me in a self-imposed prison.
The unforgiveness, bitterness and anger would manifest in times of emotional torment going on a rampaging spree hurting everyone on my radar.
We’re a strange species because we tend to keep score of nearly all of the hurtful moments we’ve experienced rather than remembering all the good times we’ve had. Why do we do this?
First of all, nearly all of the articles I read about holding on to grudges summarised everything for me in just one statement: “Holding on to grudges steals valuable time from you and your loved ones”!
Time to let that one sink in for a moment …” Holding onto grudges STEALS VALUABLE TIME from YOU and YOUR LOVED ONES”!
“Grudges” hold many of us prisoner, stealing valuable time, stealing our joy, stealing feelings of peacefulness and contentedness, even stealing unique memories and moments of joy and happiness that can slowly pale into a distant, insignificant past of nothingness because of the hurt we’re harbouring in our soul. How foolish!
Yet despite knowing this to be true, we still continue this obscene charade.
I’m sure you’ve heard of that old and profound quote: “Procrastination is the thief of time”.
Procrastination, or putting off doing things is an old enemy many of us have suffered from and some of us still suffer from. I’ll be the first to put my hand up for this one.
Some things I’d rather do later, than now, because it’s either in the too hard basket, unpleasant to do, inconvenient or because I’m being just downright lazy.
Procrastination has got me into heaps of hot water especially where my family is concerned. So I’m learning to be a doer and completer of things.
It’s not easy for someone with my laidback, “she’ll be right” personality trait and attitude.
I’ve been known to suffer from malua fever.
This trait seems to be ingrained in my nature and it’s something I have to consciously work at changing by setting timelines and goals for finishing things.
When I don’t do this and tend to have the leve attitude or dodging things, I don’t feel good about myself. It weighs heavily on my mind even to the point of feeling guilty and incomplete.
We’re all time travellers and time traders.
We trade our time for money and benefits to survive, take vacations, spend time with family, friends, work and business associates.
Time is one of the most precious commodities we have. Yet sometimes we think we have copious amounts of time to do the things we want to do. Tragically, we never get to do the things we want because our time gets cut short through illness, bereavement or some other turn or tragedy of life.
No one knows for sure how much time we’ve been given on this earth. It’s like a lottery.
Most of us hope that our time to leave doesn’t come too soon before departing our earthly existence.
On the other side of the coin, there are those who desire their time on this earth to end quickly because of chronic illness, loss or deep emotional conflict.
Time. We trade it to earn money so that we can use the money to trade it back for time. Sounds like a no-brainer! But that’s what most of us do.
We all have equal units of time.
No one gets more time than anyone else in any given day.
There’s an equal measure of time each of us has been given in a 24-hour day. Equal time.
What we do with our time is driven by our desire of how we want to live or survive.
Some of us squander our time while some of us use it wisely. I’ve been in both camps.
Now that I’m advancing in age, time seems to be more precious because I’m reminded that my time clock is fast approaching its zenith.
And for some unknown reason, time seems to go quicker for me today than when I was 10-years-old.
When I was 10, I wanted to be 18 so I could go to the Adults Only Movies at the Lilac, Phoenix, Century or Regal theatres.
In those days, the James Bond and Elvis Presley movies were all the rave.
My older brother and cousins would tell stories about the gorgeous girls in the movies making me even more envious.
I was also itching to be 18 so I could hang out with them at the pubs and clubs.
I remember a time upstairs at the old Garrick Hotel lounge. The publican approached our table and asked how old I was. When I told him 18 (of course I lied), he referred to a part of his anatomy saying, “18 my ….., get out of here!”
Tail between my legs and with all of my older mates laughing their heads off, I left flushed with absolute embarrassment. I never heard the end of it for a long time. I should never have been up there in the first place and it was irresponsible of my older mates to even ask me to go along. But I so wanted to be with the older crowd that it got me into heaps of hot-water because it wasn’t my time.
The same could be said for the many boys who joined the armed forces during World War I and II. Some of them were only 16 and 17 but lied about their age to get in.
Tragically, many of them never come home. The ones that did, tell of horrific stories and how war scarred them for life.
Every year during the Anzac Remembrance Day celebrations we get to re-live some of their stories. Their sacrifice has given us the freedoms we enjoy today.
For many, their time on earth was cut short so that we could have more time to live free.
The tragedy is that many of us have no concept of what they did and the ultimate sacrifice they paid so that we can enjoy the life we live today. We take so much for granted.
Then there are moments in time when we wish we could magically make time stand still to savour that special moment. But alas, time waits for no man or woman.
On the flip side we have times we want to forget. Sometimes they still haunt us when we haven’t laid them to rest or reconciled them in a way that they don’t affect us anymore in a negative way.
One of those moments for me was when Fiji had it’s first coup.
I never realised the emotional impact it had on me even though I was thousands of miles away in a different country.
The trauma and tragedy I felt can never be expressed. I’m not sure how I would’ve reacted had I been in Fiji at the time.
I have since reconciled not just that coup but every other coup afterwards.
I have sat down and thrashed out in my own mind all of the wayward thoughts, feelings and emotions I’ve had. With time it has now become nearly a faded memory.
Time is a great healer if we will allow it to work for us in this way.
However, for some of us, because an event was so catastrophically cruel, sad and emotionally tortuous, it’s hard for us to let go.
The pain still feels fresh even though the event might’ve happened some weeks, months or even years ago.
We feel we can’t let go for reasons best known to us. There’s no right or wrong way to handle grief.
However, I believe, that good counselling can help guide us to reconcile the deep hurts we may be harbouring and feeling.
Isn’t it strange that we have a tendency to go backwards in time more than we do forwards.
I suppose that it is a human condition because we have a memory bank filing cabinet that stores nearly every moment in time we have felt and experienced — the good and the bad.
It’s this memory bank or filing cabinet that sometimes needs a cleanout — to throw away old files that continue to have a negative emotional impact on our life and for those around us.
Yes, no matter how we feel — good or bad — the feelings have a habit of transferring to those closest to us both at home and at work. Which is all the more reason we need to reconcile some of the “old files” and chuck them out of our memory bank.
They’ve lived there long enough to cause all kinds of grief and heartache not to mention causing the people closest to us all kinds of trauma and dilemma — sometimes to the point of fracturing relationships.
Time — it governs both night and day. It governs our seasons and it governs our very life and existence.
Every unit or measurement of time is worth something.
Let’s say someone promised you $86,400 every day for the rest of your life — how would that make you feel? Would it change your life and the life of those you love? What would you do with the money?
86,400 seconds is what each and everyone of us has been given in a 24 hour period of every day.
What we do with the unit of time we’ve been given — whether it’s a second, a minute, an hour, a week or a month or year — is sometimes dependent upon outside influences.
For example, if we work for someone, than we are required to be at work at a certain time, finishing our day at a certain time. We get paid for our services by a company or person.
If we run our own business, it’s very much the same.
The only difference being that every second, minute and hour is traded for what we can offer our customer and the value we place on our time and product.
Some highly successful business people suggest that if we’re in business for ourselves, how we manage our time is equal to our return of profit.
Some even suggest that if we leverage our time — getting others doing exactly what we’re doing — then the profitability can be even greater.
Franchise organisations are great examples of leveraging time through operating successful retail outlets that dot the countryside with well-known names, logos and brand profiles that stand out from the crowd.
If the Golden Arches, 3 stars and the famous “tick” come to mind, you’re getting the drift.
These famous logos have become synonymous with food and merchandise much like Fiji water.
We have a saying, “Fiji Time”.
In some ways it can be a negative when it’s used to describe our “lateness” in arriving at a social gathering or work appointment.
At other times, it’s used in a positive way to describe the laid back, carefree lifestyle and attitude of life and living in Fiji.
I believe that “Fiji Time” has a far more richer depth to it than we care to give it credit for.
The world is rushing at a breakneck speed.
If you’ve lived and worked in a large city anywhere in the world, you’ll appreciate the significance of the laid back pace and lifestyle Fiji is famous for.
These days, people are working harder and longer hours for less time and less money than ever before.
We’re sleeping less too either because we don’t have the time or because we’re so stressed that sleep escapes us.
Every time I come home to Fiji, I find myself sleeping better and feeling more refreshed than here in Australia.
There’s something that happens when I step off the plane and smell the fresh clean Fiji air. My shoulders seem to drop as my body goes into relax mode.
It seems my body sighs a great sigh of relief that I’m back on home soil among my people.
The world’s pressures and pace seem to lift off me in a way I can’t quite put into words.
There’s something much bigger and richer to “Fiji Time” than I can analyse or express in any logical way.
It’s what people all over the world are hankering — time to just relax and let the pressures pass.
Joining the rat race of the world and trying to emulate what many countries around the world are doing, I believe, is not the Fiji way.
Do it your way in your time frame and space. It’s what’s so uniquely different, beautiful and so very Fijian.
There’s no time like Fiji Time!
* Colin Deoki is a frequent writer to The Fiji Times. He is a Fijian living in Australia. The views are his and not of this newspaper.
