Bula Fiji! Thank you for taking time out to read Bula Vakasaama, a column dedicated to enlightening readers about practical strategies for optimal mental health and mind wellness.
Today’s topic is one that can be perceived through multiple lenses, depending on our personal lived experiences.
Kerekere, the traditional indigenous Fijian customary borrowing, is viewed as a blessing for some and an annoyance for others.
Kerekere gone kaput
It is difficult to travel back in time to point out exactly when this harmonious and economically sustainable custom of requesting goods and services from a relative or kin went kaput, but what we can say for certain is that it did.
Today, kerekere is a practice that can create more negative experiences than positive.
What once was a practice that revolved around gratitude, duty, honour, service, and a deep respect for the life or bula vakavanua, has unfortunately been reduced to being synonymous with begging, corruption, and toxic dependency.
Understanding the essence of kerekere
It is important to understand the soul of the word kerekere and why it was once an act of mercy, blessing, and charity.
An act that sustained the wholistic wellbeing of a family unit or an entire koro. Essentially the initial practice of kerekere was through collaboration where one family’s need would be resolved by many helping hands.
Even if the need belonged to one individual in the family, it would be presented to the helpers in a collective manner by the strongly united family unit.
One was never made to feel guilty for asking for help or requesting for the goods or services that one needed. And similarly, the relatives and members of the kin would collaboratively resolve the need of the family.
This practice involved care, compassion, and being conscious of God’s mercy and abundant blessings that were there to be equally enjoyed by all, not just some.
But nowadays, kerekere is a practice that creates loneliness, isolation, shame, guilt, and resentment. There is hardly any collaboration and so often there is no demonstration of care, compassion nor acknowledgement of God’s divine blessings of abundance. The needy is made to feel like a burden.
Sometimes on the flipside, the one who has the need demonstrates negative behaviours of feeling entitled and begins demanding things in the name of family loyalty.
In both cases, people involved experience anger, frustration, bitterness, resentment and end up losing all respect for one another.
What once was a beautiful practice of keeping everyone feeling safe and cared for is now a dreaded practice of dishonesty and disrespect.
How to kerekere with kindness and care
Perhaps the Shakespearean advice, neither a borrower nor a lender er be, has to ultimately do with respect and integrity.
It is not a shameful thing to be in need. Everyone experiences their unique journeys in life when it comes to wealth and prosperity.
The world is designed in a way where some people have more privileges and greater er access to education, housing, employment, leisure activities, and means to accumulate wealth.
If we are to return to the soul of how kerekere was initially practiced — laboratively, kindly, caringly, and com- colpassionately — then the first thing to acknowledge and overcome would be the sheer selfishness of the practice of hogging wealth and resources by some affluent ones who cause the rest of their brothers, sisters, and children to experience poverty, lack, disharmony, and imbalance in purchasing power.
Being a helper requires great self- reflection and personal growth so that as a helper one does not feel like they are in a position of power or authority, but rather one looks at the act of helping as an opportunity to practice care, compassion, kindness, and love.
Here are a few strategies to help in this practice:
- Having a savings account is wonderful, but what is even better is to have a separate account or safety box where you keep a “kerekere with care fund” so that you are prepared for those moments when a person in your family approaches you for financial help;
- When you are approached for financial help, take time to sit down with the person, and I mean actually physically sit down with the person, instead of doing this over text or phone’;
- Allow the person to freely talk and express their concern. Do not interrupt or say words that would indicate that you are judging them or shaming them in any way. Simply listen with the intention to understand;
- Once the person has finished speaking, thank them for trusting you. This is an important step that ensures that you and your relative/ family member are feeling safe. This step is all about integrity; and
- Next step is to tell the person that you have heard and understood their concerns and now you will take some time to pray and reflect on how you can help them. This step ensures that you are not reacting but responding. If the person becomes angry or irritated by your response, remind them that kerekere is a not an entitlement but a way to effectively help. It is best to take time to plan everything properly so that no one suffers any kind of oppression or injustice. Calm them down by saying to them that you are their friend and family and that you do care. Do not react to their frustration by being angry or violent yourself. Keep your cool so that through your calmness the other person too can calm down;
- Involve trusted family members to communally practice the act of gathering the appropriate resources that are required to help the person in need;
- Assess the nature of the need and discuss as a family whether this is a genuine need or will it enable a destructive habit such as addiction or any other fraudulent behaviour. Mindlessly giving in the name of kerekere can sometimes result in further harm to a person who abuses money to fund their addiction or a fraudulent act; and
- Only give when you have the means to give.
• PRINCESS R LAKSHMAN is a counsellor, clinical nutritionist, writer, narrative therapist, and certified life-coach. She is passionate about mind wellness and an advocate for kindness and selfcare. She lives in Sydney and will soon open mind wellness hubs in Fiji to provide free mental health counselling and workshops exclusively to Fiji residents. The views expressed are the author’s and do not necessarily reflect the views of this newspaper. She can be reached at info@princesslakshman.com
