“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” — Confucius
FOR a lot of people, the novelty of their new year’s resolution has now worn off and they have gone back to their old unsuccessful habits and way of life.
If this is a pattern of behaviour in your life year in and year out and is causing you frustration, you are not alone. This is in fact a normal occurrence for many.
To change that pattern of behaviour, you first must take responsibility for where you are at right now — without blaming or judging yourself (or anyone else). Be okay with your current results. It is only your starting point. The finish line is what matters.
Four tips to help get you back on track.
Review your why
What is your reason for wanting to achieve your goal? Your why.
Setting a goal that stirs up a deep desire in you will inspire you to keep going until you succeed.
What kind of goal will that be? The kind with a big why. The ones that will inspire you to expand and grow.
Let us take a common new year’s resolution goal “To lose weight” as an example. If your reason for wanting to achieve this goal (your why) is to be healthy, to feel good, to feel attractive or to be vibrant, you will discover that yes, you might achieve it though it may take a much longer time or you might give up trying because it doesn’t really motivate you at a deeper level to get you to stay on course to achieve the end result you want. There is not much of a drive to the goal. You will notice your world will remain a small one.
If your why on the other hand is for you to be at your physical best so you can live longer to do more of the work you love and help more people then the goal is no longer about you anymore. It is about others. That becomes your driving force. That becomes your big why.
When you shift your focus from self to others, your world grows bigger.
Keep it simple
Refrain from overwhelming yourself doing too many tasks at once or starting with one that is too big for you to handle.
Start with one task, one that will give you a positive result that will make you feel good and proud of yourself. Repeat that task every day for several days.
If you are working on your fitness and have decided to go to the gym to work out, don’t go if you hate doing gym work!
Choose something that you enjoy doing. Perhaps walking is something you enjoy. If you choose walking, just walk around the block for 30 minutes. If doing that for seven days is a stretch for you, do it for three days.
Whatever you choose, commit to doing it.
You want some runs on the board so when you look back you have a record of little successes along the way. Repeat that habit for the whole month. You are trying to introduce a success habit into your life so repetition is the key.
You want to get to the stage where it becomes automatic and you don’t have to give it any conscious thought. If you fail to do something you have committed to doing, don’t berate yourself. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. You want to get out of the habit of giving up easily and quitting. The important thing to remember is you want to “train” your mind to focus on your successes and not your failures.
So keep it simple and then increase intensity and/or frequency once you have mastered the small steps.
Reward yourself
Inside each one of us is an inner child that wants to be rewarded, praised and, wants to play and have fun. When you reward your inner child, it feels good and will want to do more for you.
So when you achieve what you have committed to do for yourself during the week, reward yourself. Don’t wait until the achievement of your goal to then reward yourself. Rewarding self increases your self-esteem.
The reward does not have to be extravagant, but needs to match the task you have achieved in terms of the amount of effort put in. If you have done your exercises for the days of the week just as you planned then a reward like a cup of chai latte at your favourite coffee shop would do, if it is something you don’t usually do, and as you sip that beverage say to yourself, “This is a reward for the great work I have done and I am so proud of myself”.
It is not so much about the chai latte, but rather, the actual success habit of rewarding self on a regular basis that is important. The practice is a demonstration of self-love. A principle for success.
Work with an
accountability partner
This is essential if you are serious about achieving your goals, and becoming a success.
How many of us stay true to our word? Not many. Most of us tend to keep the word of others and follow through with the things they ask us to do for them, and yet when it comes to us and following through with what we say we would do, for our benefit, we let ourselves down.
One effective way to get around that problem is to work with an accountability partner (AP).
An AP will help you keep track on what you want to accomplish while you help them keep track on what they say they want to achieve. When you make a commitment to yourself and somebody else, it will significantly increase you following through, and them following through with achieving the goals that each of you want.
So find someone who is also working towards a goal, is non-judgmental and committed to have your goals met, not just set. It could be a relative, a work colleague or a friend. Call each other on a weekly basis during the pursuit of your goals. Choose a day and time suitable to both of you to connect where you can reflect on how you each are doing. You become accountable to each other. (See note below about the accountability form)
Note: If you are interested in the accountability form to use with your AP, send me an email.
* Kelera Kotobalavu is a peak performance coach in Australia. The views expressed are not of this newspaper. She can be contacted on kotobalavuk@gmail.com.
