“Until we have finally accepted the fact that there is nothing we can do to change the past, our feelings of regret and remorse and bitterness will prevent us from designing a better future with the opportunity that is before us today” — Jim Rohn, regarded as America’s Foremost Business Philosopher
I love the subject of human behaviour. The subject enthrals me.
What is more fascinating is discovering that we can easily change our behaviour to align with the results we want. This is particularly important in achieving goals and excelling in life.
I had shared a bit about my childhood in one of my earlier articles. I shared that my father moved out of the family home when I was 11 years old. My mother was left with the task of having to care for six children.
When my father was still with us, we lived in privilege. He was a parliamentarian at the time and served in government. That was the life I knew.
When he left, I was forced into a whole new world which was very unfamiliar to me. A world of lack. A world of poverty. Everything was a struggle. There was never enough of everything. Not enough food, not enough money, and I couldn’t have what I wanted. I felt I was thrown into a big black hole left to fend for myself — at 11 years old. I was scared of the unknown and consequently, I recoiled inwards. Outwardly, I was shy, not sure of myself, had low self-esteem and felt out of place.
So for most of my life I had turned against my father. I hated him, blamed him, resented him, and was angry and filled with unforgiveness towards him. I kept these negative poisonous emotions inside, and when triggered from outside, would then explode.
To put it another way, I was like a volcano ready to erupt. I was aware I had an anger issue.
Surprisingly, this flowed onto my marriage and the way I disciplined my eldest son (18 years old now) when he was much younger.
As I began to discover the power of personal development and how I can help more people find their mission in life and get what they want by first becoming a better version of myself and doing what I love, I knew I had to do some emotional healing. I became aware that the negative emotions I had harboured for most of my life were blocking me from progressing in leaps and bounds and achieving my dreams — and in turn, wouldn’t be able to help more people who are also seeking ways to markedly improve their results in life.
I had to change something.
I knew I had to go back to where the unforgiveness started. I had to go back to the root. The cause.
My father wasn’t the cause. It was the event of him leaving the family home that was the trigger. The blame, hate, anger, and resentment I had towards him were my choice. I could have chosen differently, but as a child, I didn’t know any better. As an adult, I can make better choices.
So I wrote my father a forgiveness letter, letting go of all the negative emotions I had held onto for a little over three long decades.
After going through the process, an extraordinary thing happened. I felt like I was sucked out of the black hole and into the light. Something lifted off my shoulders. I was floating in air. I was much lighter, and for the first time, happier and more at peace with myself. Wow, I felt so good!
My father had passed on 14 years before that, but I still wrote him the letter which I later destroyed. The healing wasn’t for him. It was for me. I had kept myself yoked to him because of my unforgiveness. So I wrote the letter to break the chain and set myself free — and free indeed I was.
Forgiving him did not mean what he did was right or I will forget what he did. It just means that I have made a decision that I will not allow what he did to ruin my present, my future and my happiness.
Having forgiven my father, something else happened. My relationship with my husband and son instantly changed for the better, beyond my imagination. What I actually did, which I was not even aware of at the time, was go back to the root cause of my ‘male relationship’ problem, severed ties with it, and healed myself from the trauma I had initiated myself.
As a result, the other male relationships in my life instantly healed too. The same happens with female relationships. If you have or had a negative relationship with your mother, you most likely will experience a negative relationship with other females in your life.
I have had some of our people write to me sharing how they are struggling in their relationships and in their careers. They have just had a separation or cannot progress to a higher position at work.
The reason when I investigate more of the kind of results they are getting in their life now always goes back to what happened in their childhood they are not even aware is keeping them stuck.
Here is what is important…
We must be mindful as parents and grandparents, carers and people in authority who look after children that how we behave and treat our children, grandchildren and students if in anyway causes them physical or emotional trauma, if repeated many times, is registered as a ‘program’ in their mind that will continue to haunt them for the rest of their lives.
So if you are an adult and this article touches a cord, spend some quiet moment alone, with eyes closed and reflect on your life.
Are there people you need to forgive? Are there new choices to make? Are there things you need to let go of?
* Feel free to contact me if you need help in this area, on my email address.
