There’s something I sense in the air these days. It’s a quiet heaviness that some are carrying but can’t quite name. It’s not always stress, not always exhaustion. Although at times it can feel like it is.
It’s something far deeper…something that’s wearing people down from the inside out.
I believe part of this weight comes from the grudges, disappointments and unhealed hurts that people are silently carrying often for weeks, months and, sometimes, even for years. They tuck them away in a corner of their heart, thinking time will somehow erase it. But time doesn’t always heal. Sometimes, it allows the pain to hide.
And hidden pain still hurts. Hidden pain keeps you from seeing things in a true light. Those unspoken and unresolved wounds begin to leak into every part of our lives – our peace, our joy, our relationships, our health and even our views and vision about life. They whisper in the background of our thoughts, quietly stealing the rays of sunlight and the sounds of joy and harmony from our lives.
It’s what I call the HUGE problem. Because, quite simply, it’s:
HUGE: Harbouring Unresolved Grudges Everyday.
When we hold onto old pain, we keep ourselves tethered to it. We might not realise it, but that invisible chain drags behind us wherever we go. It shows up as defensiveness, withdrawal, judgmental attitude, gossip and bitterness. Or even a quiet sadness and emptiness we feel that we can’t explain or put our finger on.
And the longer we carry it, the heavier it gets and feels. Sleep can also be affected where we toss and turn never feeling we’ve had a good nights sleep. So we become sleep deprived and feel cranky and miserable.
We stop living from a place of freedom and start reacting from a place of pain.
The weight we carry
Not long ago, my wife and I were having a deep conversation with a couple we care about. The moment was tender. We’d just lost a dear friend – a vibrant woman of only 59 whose laughter filled every room.
She’d faced her share of storms, but she didn’t let her past define her. She made peace with it. And that peace radiated through her. You could feel it when you were in her presence and when she smiled, when she spoke, when she hugged you. She had done the hard inner work and it showed.
As we reminisced, the couple began sharing their own reflections about things that were happening in their lives. Then came that sacred pause, the kind that happens when hearts are broken and vulnerable. They looked at us and asked quietly, “So, what do you make of all this?”
Over the years, I’ve learned that when someone opens their heart, advice isn’t always what’s needed. Listening is. Presence is. Because when someone trusts you with their truth, you’re standing on holy ground.
After my wife spoke with her usual gentle wisdom, I turned to the husband and asked softly,
“Am I sensing there might be some feelings of resentment or bitterness you’ve been holding onto?”
That one question stopped him in his tracks and it opened a floodgate.
Tears came. Words followed. And pain that had been buried for over three years finally found a voice. His wife was stunned. She had no idea he’d been holding on to it all this time. She was shocked and felt hurt.
That one old hurt had quietly created distance between them and a distance that neither of them could quite explain or put into words. But once truth and transparency exposed the pain and entered the room, the healing slowly began to follow.
The universal wound
Their story isn’t unique. It’s every person’s story at some point in life, including our own. We’ve weathered many storms and they’ve been times we’ve ended up on the rocks.
Every friendship, marriage, or family will face moments of hurt and misunderstanding. What matters is what we do next.
If we bury it, it festers. It engulfs us. It enflames. And it’s excruciating and exhausting.
But if we face it with the hope of healing and love, it will heal.
Resentment is like emotional acid – it doesn’t just corrode relationships, it eats away at the inner peace in our own soul.
And so, we pretend everything’s fine. We smile at gatherings, chat politely, but on the inside, something feels broken and empty. Intimacy doesn’t vanish in a single day. It fades slowly, through silence, pride, avoidance and words left unspoken and conflicts that remain unresolved and unreconciled.
But the beautiful thing is this: what’s broken can be mended. What’s heavy can be lifted. What’s hidden can be exposed, extracted and healed.
The healing conversation
Healing begins the moment we choose courage over comfort.
When we dare to open our hearts, not to blame or accuse, but to express, to release, to reconnect – something sacred happens.
A healthy relationship isn’t one without tension or tears. It’s one where both people care enough to repair what’s been strained before resentment and bitterness begin to take root.
Conflict doesn’t destroy love.
Silence and pride do.
When we let go of grudges, we make space for grace.
When we forgive, we stop bleeding from old wounds.
And when we speak truth with compassion, we create a bridge – one strong enough for love to cross back over and to mend our broken heart.
Because at the end of the day, while Harbouring Unresolved Grudges Everyday keeps us trapped in the past…
Healing Unlocks and Grace Expands.
Freedom for the soul
If something has been sitting heavy on your heart, speak it.
If you’ve been holding on to a hurt, release it.
If you’ve been living under the shadow of yesterday, step into the sunlight of today.
Freedom isn’t found in forgetting.
It’s found in forgiving.
Forgiveness doesn’t erase what happened. It releases you from the pain of it. It clears the fog so love can flow again, peace can return and joy can breathe freely.
There’s no greater feeling than knowing your heart is light and free from the chains of anger and resentment.
That kind of freedom is peace.
That kind of peace is power.
And that kind of power…is love in its purest form.
Because simply speaking:
Love covers a multitude of sins! (1 Peter 4:8).
COLIN DEOKI lives in Melbourne, Australia and is a regular contributor to this newspaper. The views expressed in this article are his and not necessarily reflect the views of this newspaper.
