People dying of HIV? “It’s the Government’s fault.”
People becoming alcoholics? “The Government failed them.”
People drowning in drugs? “The Government didn’t do enough.”
People destroying their families with domestic violence? “The Government’s to blame.”
Corruption and fraud in the Police Force? “It’s the Government’s fault!”
People unable to find a job! “The government’s to blame!”
Really? Is the Government sneaking into your house at night and forcing you to pick up that bottle, snort that line, or throw that punch? No. That’s on you.
We live in a culture where pointing the finger has become easier than facing the mirror and facing our demons. The blame game is alive and well because it’s convenient. If it’s someone else’s fault, then we don’t have to change simply because we refuse to take ownership. We don’t have to admit we messed up. We get to sit back, play the victim and pretend life dealt us a hand too unfair to fight. Get a grip!
Here’s the raw truth: blaming others will never fix your problems or your life.
The bitter pill
You’ve made foolish choices. I’ve made foolish choices. We all have. Some of us faced the consequences, made some tough decisions and grew from them. Others sank deeper into the abyss and dragged their loved ones down with them.
So here’s the question you need to answer, right now:
Are you going to keep bluffing your way through life, pretending you’re not part of the problem?
Or are you going to bite the bullet, face your demons and do the hard yards of doing something positive to change your life?
Because no law, no government and no politician can do that for you.
If the Shoe Fits…
If you’re an abuser, stop pretending it’s “just the way you are.” Were you abused as a child? Then get some help. Stop the cycle before you destroy another generation.
If you’re drowning in rage, bitterness, or resentment, don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re only hurting yourself. Anger and bitterness rots everything it touches, including you. Get counselling, get healing, get closure, get free.
If you’re hooked on drugs or alcohol, stop hiding behind excuses. Ask yourself: What pain am I running away from? Why am I the way I am? Until you face it, you’ll keep drinking, using and losing and blaming everyone else for your predicament and your bad choices.
The root of the problem
Let’s stop sugarcoating it: most of the issues tearing families apart – domestic violence, addiction and alcoholism aren’t random. They’re the fruit of generational transfer, unresolved trauma or just plain dumb choices. You can’t medicate, numb, or drink your way out of it. You either confront it head-on or it consumes you and destroys you, and destroys your family and your soul.
And until you do, blaming the Government or anyone else is just another lie you tell yourself to stay stuck on your torturous treadmill.
A brutal truth and a way out
Accountability is not a punishment. It’s the only way out. Blame keeps you chained. Responsibility and ownership sets you on the road to becoming free.
So here’s the deal:
Look in the mirror. Own your choices. Stop pretending you’re blameless and make the brave decision you need to make.
Get help. If you’re carrying trauma, anger, or addiction, you can’t heal alone. Counselling and support aren’t signs of weakness or some kind of stigma you should feel embarrassed about. They’re your friends and weapons against destruction and to help you break free from your prison and your pain.
Stop the cycle. If you were abused, don’t become the abuser. If you were broken, don’t break others. End it with you, so you don’t pass it onto your children to become abusers. That’s what courageous people do for breakthrough.
Do one hard thing today. Put down the bottle. Pick up the phone. Walk into that meeting. Take the first step. Throw away the drugs. Clean yourself up and go get some help!
The wake-up call
Governments can write policies, fund programs and build all kinds of systems. But they can’t fix what’s inside you. Only you can. And it comes down to the choices you make.
“If it’s to be, it’s up to me!”
So stop playing the blame game. Stop living the lie. Stop destroying yourself and the people you claim to love.
The Government isn’t in your mirror every morning. Your spouse isn’t in your mirror everyday. Your children aren’t in your mirror. You are staring back at you!
Until you face that reflection and take ownership, nothing’s going to change.
Change starts with you. And it starts with a decision. Make that decision now and turn your life around so you can become the person you’ve always dreamed you wanted to be so you can feel proud about yourself and what you’ve achieved and accomplished with your life.
And your children, your spouse and your family and friends will be proud of you too. And so will the Almighty if you have faith to believe that He can help you change your life.
n COLIN DEOKI is a regular contributor to this newspaper. The views expressed in this article are his and not necessarily of this newspaper.
