Keeping calm in the self-awareness of anger
Bula Fiji! Thank you for taking time out to read Bula Vakasaama, a column dedicated to enlightening readers about practical strategies for optimal mental health and mind wellness. Today’s topic is about understanding the way anger plays a part in our everyday responses and reactions. Anger, if acted out, is the most destructive emotion which leads only towards darkness and despair. Anger ruins lives and breaks up families. We all suffer from this destructive emotion, some of us more frequently than others. Anger is remembered pain – painful memories and painful feelings that have not been processed. Anger is displayed in various ways in your body when suppressed pain is triggered by a signal. At times, the reason for anger is known if it is quite obvious, for example, if someone disrespects you or dismisses you, you may begin to feel anger. Other times, the reason may not be obvious but rather subconsciously embedded and triggered out of you when a certain incident reminds you of emotions attached to a past incident that was suppressed and not allowed proper healing. Always seek professional help from a counsellor or psychologist to understand the root cause of your anger. Once you have identified your unhealed pain and hurt, it is easier for you to process the anger. If the anger remains unprocessed, you will be experiencing angry outbursts and heightened emotional reactions.
Steps to process hurt and to release them from your body
Remove blame – You are where you are today, hallelujah, because God put certain people in your life through whom you learnt valuable lessons of resilience and courage because of the pain and hurt they inflicted upon you. It is time to let these people go. They have no power over you. Only and only God has all power over you. Abandon ego – the hurt you harbour is yearning for justice. Anger arises when you feel that justice has been denied to you and that you are still hurting but people who were responsible for causing that hurt have moved on in their lives. That is your ego speaking. Abandon your ego and acknowledge that God will provide ultimate justice to one and all. God is the only judge who knows exactly what happened and why it happened. Remind yourself that hurt heals with prayer. Be steadfast in your worship and feel at ease in your heart, feel it heal. The more you pray for a clean heart and calm nature, the more you will be free from anger. Take a moment right now and pause to reflect on what made you angry recently. More importantly, ponder on the why…why did it make you angry? What or who triggered the anger? Was it a family member? A friend? Colleague? Was it work-related? Or school or Uni? Was it someone from the church? Or someone in traffic? Or on the TV? Or something you read? Once you reflect on the details of the incident, you will begin to understand how this emotion arises in you and in some cases, how it can begin to govern your thoughts, words, and actions towards your own self and others.
What to do when anger grips you?
The most difficult part of anger management is to become aware of it and control it at the precise time that it is arising. Our default pattern is to function on reactions, which exacerbates the anger. Once you identify the physical sensations of anger in your body as it is occurring, you will realise that you are able to manage this destructive emotion using appropriate responses, not mindless reactions. The idea is to stop identifying anger as something you are but rather as something you are aware of. “I am angry” versus “I am aware of the anger that is rising within me right now.”
When anger arises, you will notice your that your muscles tense up, heartbeat increases, body becomes hot, breathing becomes shallow. That is when you need to STOP.
Managing anger with the S-T-O-P method;
- S – Stop everything you are doing;
- T – Take long, deep breaths, bringing your awareness only to the deep breathing;
- O – Observe your body and relax it. If you are walking, stand. If you are standing, sit. If you are sitting, lie down. Relaxing your body will normalise the heart rate; and.
- P – Proceed with Permission to Ponder the situation with Peace. Me, personally, I also Pray.
When you practise the S-T-O-P method regularly, you will stop reacting to triggers and start choosing to respond with a calm mind.
Something to write and stick on the fridge or as your phone screensaver
Where there is anger, there is fear. Where there is calm, there is faith. I choose calm, I choose faith
- PRINCESS R LAKSHMAN is a counsellor, clinical nutritionist, writer, narrative therapist, and certified life-coach. She is passionate about mind wellness and an advocate for kindness and self-care. She lives in Sydney and will soon open mind wellness hubs in Fiji to provide free mental health counselling and workshops exclusively to Fiji residents. The views expressed are the author’s and do not necessarily reflect the views of this newspaper. She can be reached at info@princesslakshman.com
