SINCE Frida *(not his real name) was four years old, he was passed on from family to family to be looked after.
Born on Vanua Levu and growing up on an island in Cakaudrove, Frida’s story represents one of struggle for normality, acceptance and security.
Frida’s childhood memories are marred by years of broken trust, domestic violence and physical abuse.
The third youngest of six siblings, Frida was taken from Vanua Levu by a family in Suva when he was only four, and taken back to Vanua Levu to live with an elder brother and attend primary school.
At that time, his parents had separated and so were his siblings.
Frida was sent to Suva to live with his uncle and attend Class 7 (now Year 7).
That same year, personal reasons led to his running away from his uncle’s home.
“I moved from family to family and by the time I was in Form 3 (now Year 9), I stayed with a school friend’s family who paid for my fees that year,” Frida told The Fiji Times in an interview.
“Even when I was with my family, my father would beat me up and it wasn’t easy when my mother was not around. My mother left us when I was only one-year-old because my dad used to punch her up.”
Frida said as far as he could remember, he had a tough life growing up without his mother and a violent father.
He remembers fleeing his home to seek the comfort of his grandmother, who was unemployed and would be unable to support him, sought the assistance of a boys’ home.
Frida’s grandmother managed to secure a space in an institution that looks after boys from underprivileged or broken homes.
It was at this institution that Frida’s sexuality was exposed.
It was during a game of rugby that he was forced to participate in that the other boys in the home discovered Frida was more feminine than he looked.
That discovery was followed by bullying and discrimination, even to the extent where one day, the boys ransacked Frida’s room, locked him up and made him smoke marijuana before sexually assaulting him.
“That night, I just stood up and ran out of the home. I took a long walk and that night, I just continuously prayed for a family looking for a child to keep to find me. I just wanted to leave that home,” Frida said.
The following day, he said, he went to an aunt’s workplace to ask for bus fare to go to his grandmother.
“When I was outside my aunt’s workplace, I stood outside for a while practising what to tell my aunt because I did not know her well. And while I was doing that, I didn’t realise there was a woman sitting in her car parked beside where I was standing.
“I looked at her and she smiled at me. I was just about to enter my aunt’s workplace when the woman called me, smiled and handed me $20.”
Frida said she was puzzled and hesitated to take the money but the woman insisted that I take it.
“I thanked her and then she told me to walk with her so we can look for a place to sit down and eat.
“Over lunch, she started asking me questions and by the time I finished telling her my story, she shared the Word of God with me and then she gave me her home address and telephone number offering me to come live with her and her family.”
On the same night, Frida returned to the home, packed his belongings and moved to the woman’s home (identity withheld) where he stayed for a few years.
“My family was looking for me and when my dad found out where I was living, he came and took me.
“After some time, I ran away again because my father used to give me a hiding because of my sexuality. I stayed with my friends from high school.
“And then I started to be physically abused in school too. In school, it was an even bigger problem for me because not only were students abusing me, my teachers too were always hard on me.
“When that started to happen frequently, I started staying away from school.”
Frida remembers at 17 years, he started to live with a friend who was a sex worker.
So in between casual jobs at a restaurant he found at that time, he started to explore the streets with his friend.
Now at 28 years, Frida has a job working for a family for a number of years now, but goes out to work on the street during the weekends.
The family
Frida blames her parents for all that had happened to him.
“I was really good at school but I wasn’t supported the right way,” he said.
“I used to blame my mother for leaving me at that very young age when the children needed her most.
“But I blamed my father the most because he was the one who was supposed to keep us all together.
“Today, every time I meet my father when he comes to me to ask for money, I always tell him again and again that he spoilt my dreams and my future.
“I remind him too of how he had disowned me and how my life experiences growing up had affected me personally on so many levels.”
Today, Frida stays with a few sex worker friends he calls his family, in a Suva suburb.
Money, drugs and STI test
Frida admits he is not as slender and attractive as the others so he has to put in more effort in dressing up and applying his make-up.
He earns $70 a week.
“As a sex worker, I can get $50, $60 or even $80 in one night. At times, we can earn even more than that depending on the service our clients want and pay for.”
Frida said some nights were better than the others when they would get a client who was prepared to pay a high price.
“Drugs, I don’t take hard drugs but I smoke marijuana. I smoke before I go out to work, it helps me relax and I focus better too when it comes to my clients.
“At times, a few of us would share the cost of our smoke (marijuana) so we can all smoke first before we go out.”
Frida gets tested for STIs every three months or so and also gets a chance to replenish his condom supply.
Self-empowerment
Frida is thankful to the number of non-governmental organisations that are looking after their welfare as sex workers and more so, as members of the LGBTI community.
“I have been attending a lot of workshops to learn about civic responsibility, protective health, leadership and many other training.
“I have also signed up with the National Employment Centre (NEC) to attempt other opportunities I can get into.
“I have undergone a series of trainings as a peer educator.
“Even though I go through a lot, and I am going through a lot, I still try to come out of it and to rise above these problems.
“Being a sex worker, I know it’s bad but it changed my life as a transexual man.
“I know being a sex worker is illegal but it is supporting our livelihood rather than getting involved in criminal activities, while at the same time providing the service to those who need it.”
For others
For young people in the country, Frida can only say this.
“If you’re still in school, please stay in school and give it your all. People like me were not that fortunate to have the full support of our parents to ensure we stayed in school.
“When you give your best in school today, you will be better positioned for a better job tomorrow.
“Look at my face, see the scar (and gestures) — not a good way to live.
“For young people, you need to make wise decisions because for me, they were missed opportunities and now I am working to get back to that level, to study and progress from here.”
